Scared

Scared to go back to the United States. That is how I’m feeling right now, to be quite honest. We’ve experienced so much, cried on several occasions, heard the stories of these orphans we live with, seen many types of injustice, and yet now . . . how now do we live? How do we raise our children to be thankful for what they have in America, the land of plenty? Will they remember sitting on the concrete floor with these little guys and being happy with just rice and dahl?

How do we cry out for those who cannot cry out for themselves? How do we live on less so we can give more in America, the land of luxury? How do we begin to say “enough” and not just buy and buy and consume and consume? How do we remember others and not just think of ourselves?

I remember the song we heard before we came. The words by Sara Groves are so appropriate for me now:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love

In The Return of the King, Frodo asks, “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? And then he explains, “There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…they have taken hold.”

God, would You do a miracle for our family? Would You cause us to remember what we have seen and heard and then go and do something about it? Would You prick our hearts to be sensitive to the poor, the suffering and those around us? With time, it always seems like our pain is dulled and the sting loses it’s hurt. Would You (as Melissa Moore put it), “keep the emotional wounds that were carved during the past few weeks from healing?”

May time not have it’s way with us . . . just this once.

Goodbye, India

As we leave India, I think we feel a bit like the psalmist wrote:

"When Jehovah brought back his exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream! How we laughed and sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the Lord has done for them." Yes, glorious things! What wonder! What joy! May we be refreshed as by streams in the desert. Those who sow tears shall reap joy. Yes, they shall go out weeping, carrying seed for sowing, and return singing, carrying their sheaves." (Psalm 126, Living Bible)

It was like a dream...and in an instant, it is a memory. We are so thankful to God for his faithfulness to us, every step of the way. Through trekking the Himalayas, chasing the lizards, working the wheat harvest, treating the high fevers and diahrhea, loving the boys and seeing their big hearts, eating the Indian food, bouncing in the crazy car rides, swerving for the cows in the road, and all kinds of new experiences in a foreign land....He was right there with us.

We will be marked forever by India. We leave tomorrow with grateful hearts, in awe of the huge God we serve. He has filled our hearts with wonder... We stand amazed as He continues to take our breath away.

Out on the town

We’ve been houseparents for 8 little boys during the past two weeks. Today we went out as a family for ice cream in the “big town” of Selaqui. The boys were giddy about riding in the Trax. Most of them have not ridden in a vehicle or left the children’s home in 6 months, because even their school is on this campus.

When I told them we were ready to go, there was much hustle and bustle. Even a few of the littlest ones slicked their hair with oil and all the boys put on their Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes for the big event.

As we got out of the Jeep, 11-year-old Anshuman took charge. “I think we should hold hands with the small boys, Mam.” So each boy held another boy's hand as we walked. Our first stop was the fruit vendor, where we bought bananas. The boys love these, and almost never get fresh fruit, so this was quite a treat. We did get quite a few stares, and I told the man, “These are all my children.” He just smiled.

Then we went to a little Indian sweet shoppe, where we let each child pick out a treat. Ashish wanted biscuits, Emma got a piece of cake, others got ice cream, and we all shared two mango drinks. Yum! The boys thanked us over and over for taking them. On the bumpy ride home, Jeff led them in songs like “This is the song that never ends.” They were laughing and we were having a ball.

I have found myself getting almost moved to tears on several occasions today, knowing that these are the last of our days here…riding in the trax, reading stories to the boys, holding their hands as we walked down the road, seeing their sheer delight as they got their very own ice cream…these are the moments I will miss. These are the little boys who have stolen our hearts.

Getting Water

For the past 5 out of 6 days, our well here at the childrens' home has been broken and in need of repairs. Not a problem, the chicken farm next door has “clean” water they will share. Unfortunately, our stomachs didn’t do so well with the chicken farm water… So, now I’ve added a few steps to the process, in hopes that our stomachs will be happy. Here’s what we did today when we wanted a drink.
1. Take a pot and walk down the lane to get water from the rusty old tank. (They tell me it’s totally clean INSIDE.)
2. Walk back home carefully, so as to not spill even a drop.
3. Skim particles off the top with a strainer.
4. Boil the water.
5. Wait a long time and let it cool.
6. Still not clean enough. Put a purifying tablet in the water and let it dissolve for one hour.
7. Drink.
Actually, I see people almost every day walking down the road with water buckets. Many people here don’t have clean drinking water in their homes. I think I’ll never take for granted good, clean, pure water and ice cubes from the refrigerator AGAIN!

Dream Come True

Our second trip to the Himalayas was one of the greatest experiences of my life! One day three of us took a hike up to a point above the tree line. From here we could see peaks that towered over 20,000 ft. high.

Later that night Jai (pictured below) said, “It was so beautiful that if we hiked any further, I thought we would see the face of God.”

In many ways, we did see God this week … He healed us of our sicknesses, gave us strength for the journey, revealed His beauty through the mountains, the snow, the rivers, the stars, the trees, and the people, and He touched our hearts with the power of his presence. One of the boys wrote a thank you note to the Storehouse Trust (a group that financially sponsored our trek). This is an excerpt from his letter:

“My dream was to go and see the snow peaked mountains in my own country and I got that opportunity. You really helped me to get one of my biggest dreams to come true. I was really thirsty for God, and at the end … my thirst is quenched and my relationship with God has become much stronger. Thank you!”

In spite of hiking about 70 kilometers in five days, we also spent a lot of personal time with God. On the last night, several of the guys talked about how good it had been for their souls to spend time with God. Here, in the shadow of the Himalayas, a group of orphan boys were making commitments to read their Bibles, pray, and serve other people. The beauty of our physical surroundings was astonishing, but what gripped my heart most tightly was to hear that these young men were longing for intimacy with the Creator of all of these things … and that these longings … these dreams … were coming true.

One morning as I watched the sun come up over the peaks that had been dusted with snow the night before, the words of Casting Crown’s song, “Who Am I?” came to mind:

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Who am I? That the voice that calmed the sea, would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.

May we remember today who we are and Whose we are … and may our dreams come true as our desires become His desires!

Birthdays...and giving

This week we had lots of birthday fun with our kids and the boys here. Emma decorated her cake with flowers that she picked with Daddy, and then we had movie night for her party. Her choice was a “Tom and Jerry” cartoon. Our “at home movie theatre” looks something like this: Thirty sweaty, sticky, hot bodies smooshed together in a non-air conditioned small room with everyone sitting on a cement floor, and all eyes on Jeff’s tiny laptop computer screen. And it's wonderful! There are lots of laughs and smiles, and no one complains. “Thank you, Mam,” they say as they leave when the movie finishes. (Can you see Emma's blond head in the middle?)

For Clay’s big day, he got to swim in the morning and afternoon and have birthday cake and glow sticks all around for his party that night. The thing that brought a lump in my throat and tears to my eyes was at Clay’s party.

The boys usually make cards for each other. That’s normal. When Ratan, Shubham and Sumit walked in carrying handmade envelopes, I wondered what was inside. Clay opened the envelopes to find three new matchbox cars. These are the same cars we gave the boys at Easter when they had worked so hard to memorize a passage in Philippians.

They gave the one and only matchbox car they had….cheerfully, with huge smiles on their faces. It made me think of what Erwin McManus said at church last year: “What if everyone gave?” Yes, what if everyone gave like these three little boys?

What if everyone gave like those in Exodus 35:29-36:7? “All the Israelite men and women who were willing brought to the Lord freewill offerings for all the work the Lord through Moses had commanded them to do…. And the people continued to bring freewill offerings morning after morning. So all the skilled craftsmen …said to Moses, “The people are bringing more than enough for doing the work the Lord commanded to be done…And so the people were restrained from bringing more, because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work.

What if we all gave like that…in our neighborhoods, churches, schools, workplaces, and communities? God, would You help us to be cheerful givers…like the three small boys who gave the one thing they had. I have so much to learn. I am humbled by their generosity.

Four

May 18--Happy Birthday, Emma Natalie. Your spunk, song, dramatic hand gestures, and facial expressions have attracted quite a fan club around here. I love it that in your own nurturing way you ask so often if you can help “put the boys to bed,” even though they’re all older than you are!

I love to watch you play the role of princess as all the Indian knights chase after to rescue you.

I love to see you give Daddy butterfly kisses and whisper little secrets in his ear. You always giggle when he calls you his little cupcake.

Keep on skipping, hopping, singing, and smelling the flowers. Lulu, we love you to the moon and back.

Six

May 16--Happy Birthday, Clayton Scott! What a year this has been…you learned to read, swim, and ride a bike. You lost a tooth and you moved to India. Though you faced lots of challenges, you’ve grown so much and have become more brave and independent. I love to watch you climb trees, have sword fights, or walk with your arm around Rahul. You are our milk man, walking to the dairy each day. You nearly take your own bucket baths, help burn our trash, make your own chipati/potato breakfast wrap, and work with the big boys. We are praying that these experiences will shape you forever.

I got teary this week when you asked about the people living in the slums, “Did God make them be that way?” You have a tender heart toward God and it comes out especially at bedtime when you sing sweet worship songs from your heart and praise your Maker. You’re the best, little buddy!

Himalayan Trek

Jeff here … Our trek to the Himalaya’s was literally a “once in a lifetime experience” for most of these boys. We spent five days hiking next to rushing rivers, into remote villages, through ancient pine forests, and onto peaks that overlooked the snow-capped range. It was stunning!

We loaded all our gear onto a jeep that took us to the trailhead. Our group of 13 sat inside, while about six members of the taxi team rode on top of this little truck.

Our journey through God’s creation was not only a physical pilgrimage, but one designed to move us closer in our relationship with Him.

At times the conditions were brutal. Many of us were on the verge of hypothermia one night, several suffered from altitude sickness, and we had to evacuate one boy because of a liver infection. Thankfully we found a man with two donkeys who could carry Kishan’s gear so we could get him back to civilization and to a doctor (please pray for Kishan as he is still recovering). C.S. Lewis said, “God doesn’t waste pain.” We found that in the midst of our greatest adversities came some of our greatest encounters with God.

Of course it wouldn’t be a trip in India without seeing several cows along the way

as well as many herds of sheep.

We pray that as we return to life in Selaqui, each of us might have been infected with a powerful touch of God’s hand.

Journey to the slum

I was so thankful to be able to go with Amanda and her 6th grade class on a "field trip" to a nearby slum as they did a program and played some games with the children. Even Clay and Emma got to come along.

It was an amazing thing to be part of as we visited Sonu’s school for about 40 slum kids. Sonu grew up at the orphanage where we work. (Here he is surrounded by the kids he loves.)His life was changed by God. He sees that he has been blessed and now is passing that blessing on to others. I saw the work he is doing and said, “Sonu, this is amazing! Their parents must be so thankful to you!”

His reply astonished me. “No, not really. They actually give me a lot of problems. They say to me, ‘We survived without education. Our children will also. What’s the use?’” I fought back tears as we saw the matted hair and skinny bodies of the children there. The mother beating her child. The screaming of the baby.The people sifting through trash. The “houses” these people live in. The blisters on toughened feet. The health problems. The needs. I read Melissa’s blog recently and her thoughts express my feelings so well:

"N.T. Wright said in Simply Christian, 'The world in its present state is out of tune with God’s ultimate intention.' Today as I walked through the slums in Calcutta something rose up with protest in my soul with a resounding 'NO!' This is not the way it is supposed to be."

I pray that I will never forget the sting of what I witnessed today. This is not how it is supposed to be.

104.8

Emma had a high fever last week. When it got up to 104.8, some of the staff here urged us to rush her to the hospital. We are so thankful that it was just a fever virus going around, and nothing more serious. She is doing great again now. The visit was quite eventful though.
Here’s an excerpt from Jeff’s journal:

It was crazy at the hospital. We arrived and were given a “soiled” bed in a room with about 10 other beds. Everyone stared at us. Soon the doctor came to take a blood sample from Emma. He spilled her blood on the bed and then he never even cleaned her hand off. It made a big mess and he asked Ade to clean it.

Next they needed a urine sample, so they gave us a tiny flask for Emma to pee in. The opening was the size of a dime so we asked for a cup. They didn’t have one, so they cut off the bottom of an antibiotic bottle they had sitting around. Since it was night time and they don’t have lights in the bathroom, Emma just had to squat outside by a street light. When I paid for her medication, they didn’t have change for 500 rupees ($10 US) and then they needed to borrow my pen because theirs was out of ink.

Meanwhile, we were surrounded by all kinds of people who were bleeding, struggling to breathe, and possibly dying. It was a dirty place, but this is the place where we live. It is a place with huge needs. The sick need a doctor, the poor need a Giver, the broken hearted need a Healer.

What is enough?

I have asked the question in my mind so many times as we have lived in India and seen poverty all around us. This is the house across the street from us.

Do they have enough? It’s not much, but it’s enough for them.

This is the house down the street. They have a cot that they sleep on outside. Their cows also live in front of their house. These are the realities that we look at everyday.

This conversation took place the other night as we walked home.

Clay: Mom, before we got here I thought that these boys would be really sad. (Laughs.)

Me: Why?

Clay: Because they don’t have anything to play with. But they’re not sad. They’re really happy.

Me: So what does that make you think of with all your toys back in the States?

Clay: I don’t need that many.

Then, at bedtime we talked about the slums in this town and the people who live in houses made of sticks and plastic tarps. Clay looked around his room at his cement floors and “closet.”

“Mom, they don’t even have closets because they have nothing and they don’t even have bucket baths!” So we decided that we’re pretty rich because we have these things in India!

I’m realizing how rich we all are . . . were we meant to have so much money to keep it, or did God bless us to be a blessing? Can we live on less, so we can give more? We must wrestle through these things.

School friends

These are Emma’s little friends in the KG class at school. Yashita and Shrishti. Yashita’s mother puts on black eyeliner around her eyes every day. This is because their family is Hindu and believe that the dark will scare away evil spirits. There are many young children who have dark eyeliner like Yashita’s. It is a constant reminder to me of the spiritual darkness of this place.

I lead music times in the preschool and KG class and recently I led them in the simple song:

“Touch your finger to your nose, bend at the waist way down and touch your toes, and when you come up slowly start to sing, and say to the Lord I love You. I love You, I love You, say to the Lord I love You.”

As I tried to end the song, these kids kept singing and raising their hands. It was like they were leading me in worship. I looked at their dark eyes and thought about the families they come from and the spiritual oppression here. Yet, all of these little Hindu kids were raising their hands and singing sweetly to Jesus . . . I pray that the words would take root in their hearts.

Snake

We were just finishing up work time yesterday afternoon when someone far off yelled in Hindi. Immediately the boys all around me got huge smiles, picked up big sticks, and ran through the fields yelling more Hindi words. I was clueless as to what was happening, but then one of the boys informed me, “Snake!”

So we all went running to see the action. Here’s Brave John with the dead snake dangling across his shoulders. Sure enough, Harjeet (age 16) was out working in the field and spotted an 8-foot- long white snake. He alerted “the troops” and Kiran Uncle (one of the house-parents here) came and beat it with a stick. (Last month Kiran was the hero when he killed a 6 foot cobra, also on this property.) As I walked to the scene, I heard the beating sounds and saw the dust flying. The boys were all cheering and hollering loudly. They were running, jumping, dancing, screaming, and then becoming braver all the time…they each wanted to try to hit the snake with a stick too (after it was dead). You could feel the testosterone in the air. Never a dull moment here…

On a side note... Jeff leaves with ten of the oldest boys to go on a five day hiking trek in the Himalayas tomorrow. Please pray that God will work and do great things in their lives!

The Giver

During our time in India, a question Jeff and I have come back to often is this: Do I love the gifts or the Giver more? Sometimes we can get so consumed with what we want…our house, our jobs, our comfort, our kids, our life…but in the end… if we have God, that should be enough.

Slow down for a moment. Breathe deep. Sit with these words from Augustine. May his prayer rest in your soul like it did ours:

For You, O Lord my God, are above all things the best. You alone are most high, You alone most powerful. You alone are most sufficient and most satisfying, You alone most sweet and consoling. You alone are most beautiful and loving. You alone most noble and glorious above all things. In You is every perfection that has ever been or ever will be. Therefore, whatever You give me besides Yourself, whatever You reveal to me concerning Yourself, and whatever You promise, is too small and insufficient when I do not see and fully enjoy You alone. For my heart cannot rest or be fully content until, rising above all gifts and every created thing, it rests in You.

Our pastor from California, Francis Chan, wrote this in his book Crazy Love, “Do you believe that God is the greatest thing you can experience in the whole world?...Are we in love with God or just His stuff?... Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you?”

May we love Him alone and desire the Giver above all else.

The One and Only you

At Anshuman’s birthday party recently, I read this book aloud called “On the Night You Were Born.” I almost got teary reading it to him because my heart breaks that he couldn’t be with his mother and father on his birthday. Here are some of the sweet words of the story:

On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, “Life will never be the same.” Because there had never been anyone like you…ever in the world… For never before in story or rhyme (not even once upon a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again.

Whenever I read this book to the boys, I try to talk about how they must have looked when they were born and how I’m sure their Mommy was so happy to see her little baby boy. I want them to know they are unique, they are special, and that God loves them to the moon and back!

May you also know today and always that your Papa God is crazy about you!

Amanda

I have loved being here in India with my sister Amanda and serving alongside her. We have talked late into the night on many occasions, laughed, cried, prayed, “baked” cakes and had parties, sung the boys to sleep, taught Sunday School and led devotions together, and so much more. It was very fun to celebrate Amanda’s birthday here this week. We decorated the main room of her house with balloons and signs. They also handmade cards for their "Amanda Mam." This picture was taken before they all went off to school in their little brown and yellow uniforms.

I made a chocolate cake to have after dinner. Since we have no oven, I used a cooker over the stove with the lid on. The boys were especially excited about the jelly beans on top of the cake. “Are these rashma?” they asked. (Those are the beans we eat with rice.) “Can I swallow it?” “Is it chewing gum?”

Then we brought out the glowsticks, sent from Mom Rack. These were a real hit. Boys ran around the dark cricket field, throwing their little glow bracelets high into the air. Then, like the little guys do with any new thing, they held their glowsticks in their hands as they went to sleep.

I love you, Amanda Mam. You are my hero!

Wheat part #3

Now we begin the process of sifting the wheat. It is a tedious task to look through and take out any stones or small sticks that have managed to sneak in through the thresher. This project will take about 2 weeks.

Fresh Fruit

There are many fruit trees here and the boys like to climb them when they want a little snack. The other day Miraj was high up in a tree and yelled, “Emma, you want guava?”

“Yes!” was her reply. So, he picked one and brought it down for her. We’ve also been enjoying fresh pomegranates and mangoes from the market here. It is nice to have a cool treat on a 100 degree day!