moments in the desert

November 1st marked five months since we left India. We are still here, moving our suitcases back and forth between our gracious parents' homes, and waiting on God. The wait has been a struggle and I have had lots of tears, especially lately as I seem to have hit my breaking point. I have felt so many emotions...sadness, discouragement, frustration, disappointment with God, loss of hope, and more fragile emotionally than I've ever been before.

The other day I was crying and Sensitive Miss Emma asked, "Mommy, are you crying because we don't have a house?" I didn't know how to explain it all to a 4 year old, so I just nodded. She said, "It's okay, Mommy. Clay and I aren't crying. We'll get one soon enough." That was just the word from God that I needed to hear that moment. Spoken from God, through a child . . . yet straight to my heart.

The song that speaks to my heart most right now is "The Desert Song"(click here to listen) by Hillsong:

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness, or trial, or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I read an email that Jeff wrote a friend of ours recently. It really sums up our life right now. I asked him if I could share it because I loved how he wrote so honestly.

"as for us, yes, life is quite difficult at times. adrienne and i were just saying tonight that in many ways this journey is so much more challenging than india. the unknown, the waiting, the doors that open so wide that light comes rushing in, offering hope for our souls, only to get squeezed shut, revealing the darkness once again. three weeks ago we thought we were looking at three good options and now all of those have been put on hold. it seems that the waiting game continues. nevertheless, there is a work that God is doing in us that can only happen in the crucible. it feels like that's where we are and though i wish that He would show me what the future holds, He has not failed to be present.

while i'm anxious for the waiting period to be through, i suppose that i will miss the moments of seeing God speak through the generous gifts of friends and family, the words of truth spoken through strangers, and the proximity to God i've experienced simply because we are in the wilderness. "